Two Wheel Tales

The Phatt Files

The Scphincter Valve

Recent events have made me realize that many among us are not always aware of how their bikes work. In an effort to correct this I will present this as the first in what may become a series of articles on how you bike works.

Today’s topic is The Scphincter Valve

This is perhaps one of the least known parts of modern motorcycles.
While it is generally automatic in operation there are times that a manual override is necessary, owners of old BSA, Triumphs and Nortons will perhaps fondly remember the days when it was only available in Manual mode. This little know part is used primarily to assit in braking and with the fine brakes available on most modern motorcycles its prevalence has taken a back seat to other more popular performance parts.

However with the big power available in today’s bikes and the ease with which a new rider may obtain such a missile the manufacturers are still finding the Scphincter Valve a useful addition.

Basically it works this way; Let us assume you are running along a piece of unknown road at a goodly clip. Suddenly you are confronted with a sudden and unexpected sharp turn, or a deer on the road, or even a jogger in your path. You would naturally get on the brakes hard. However if you continue to race towards the impending accident your survival instincts will take over. So you get on them harder but still you need more breaking. At this point your eyes will start to get wide and fixate themselves upon the problem. This creates an electro-magnetic current which goes at light speed to the brain it is this widening of the eyes which is the key to activating the scphincter valve
The brain then sends a message directly to the scphincter valve to tighten up and start the emergency braking procedure.

You will know it is working because the cheeks in your butt will start to clench themselves together and move towards the front of your abdomen. This sudden clenching of you butt creates a low pressure point directly behind you a$$. In extreme situations the action can be so pronounced it nearly creates a vacuum. Now basic physics will tell you that Nature abhors a vacuum or even a low pressure area and tries to equalize pressure by trying to drag you backwards. This low pressure area behind you creates a suction action like popping a parachute that helps slow you down that little extra bit.

If the valve is working at peak efficiency it will slow you down to avoid a collision at the very last minute or just barely get around a corner with out running off the road into a tree on the other side from which you started and so it is a good thing you have one
However whether manually activate or one of the new automatic ones there is a down side which is; They are now (and have always been) self cleaning
This means that once you have used it, it immediately resets itself by cleaning itself out
Considering where the valve is located this is not a pleasant event, which generally means you are required to stop and change your underwear as most of the contents of your butt will empty them selves into your jeans

The Scphincter Valve......be careful how you use it
you are welcome
Johnnie Phatt
I am not Falling Down Drunk
I am Accidentally Horizontal

Johnnie Phatt was a Regular Contributor To CMG

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